WOW. I’ve had this post in drafts for a long time now. I’ve been nervous to post it because it was so hard for me to write out. Friends mean the world to me and I would do anything for them. So writing about friendships ending brought up a lot of difficult feelings. Today, I woke up feeling extremely tired but with a clear head. I knew I needed to suck it up and post this because others are probably going through the same thing.

Friendships are essential in life. The memories I have with friends I’ll seriously cherish FOREVER. Over the years I feel as though I’ve learned so much about friendships and what it takes to have great ones. The great ones are the ones you’ll have for a lifetime.

Friendships Take WORK

That being said, friendships do take work. You have to put in work to maintain a good friendship. I fully believe that a lot of friendships fizzle out because the individuals involved aren’t willing to put enough work into maintaining the friendship. For me personally, this has happened a couple times. It sucks, but if the friendship is one sided in the end, it’s not worth it. I think putting as much as you can into saving a friendship is crucial but if that doesn’t even work, all you can do is cut your ties and wish them the best. Eventually it might work out and the friendship can come back together but that truly depends on how that person treated you. I think many people aren’t strong enough to say, “no, you didn’t treat me well as a friend” if the friend wants to come back after not being around for a while, for whatever reason. I’ve definitely been weak in that department before because I consider the history we had as friends. This is where I’m learning to be strong and stand up for myself and how I should be treated. Have you struggled with this before?

Long Distance Friendships

I have a lot of long distance friendships and these take even more work than others because they aren’t in the same city. My best friend isn’t even in the same state! We decided that writing each other letters was a great way to keep each other updated on our lives. We also text each other about our days or big events in our lives. These are key things to do with a friend. You want to keep them updated on your life and what you’re doing BUT you also want to inquire about them too. Have you ever had a friend that won’t stop talking about themselves and NEVER asks about you? That’s not a fair friendship. Friends should want to know about you and you about them. That is friendship. Equally being concerned and curious about one another. I have another friend that lives about an hour and a half away and we try to plan get togethers but still text each other when we can. We make our friendship work and even if we don’t see each other often, we still keep up with each other.

Friends Close By

Having friends close by makes it a lot easier to maintain a close friendship. In college, you live at most 5 minutes from each other. This makes maintaining a friendship extremely easy as long as you’re putting work into it too. I love the way friendships evolve in college, because essentially your friends become your family. It’s kind of incredible. The friends I’ve made in college I plan on keeping forever, even when we all move away and can’t drive two minutes to each other’s apartments. If the friendship is worth it to you, you’ll put in the work it takes to maintain it.

Friends in Relationships

This is probably the toughest part to write about. I’ve seen friends in relationships disappear. What I mean by that more specifically, is that they put all their time into their significant other and kind of disappear from their friend group. Don’t get me wrong, being in a romantic relationship is wonderful and it’s easy to get caught up in each other, but I think it’s not okay to forget about your friends while doing so. I think BALANCE is key. For example, I’m in a romantic relationship but include my friends as often as I can whenever we do things OR I take time to just be with my friends. I’m a big fan of girls nights. I like to get away and hang with the girls and catch up on their lives and what they’ve been up to too. I’ve had many close friends who aren’t so great at balancing a relationship and friendships and it sucks as the party who gets dropped like a hot potato. Friends are there to help and comfort you too and without them, I can only imagine it’s a very lonely life with just your significant other. Again, don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend to death and could spend all the time in the world with him but I would feel as if I was missing something too without my friends. I also think that your significant other should be encouraging you to hangout with friends. They should be doing the same with their friends too.

Do you have similar stories like this? What’s your biggest piece of advice on friendships?

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Tanna Wasilchak